THE FINE GAEL led minority government has fiercely denied claims that they have been hurriedly collecting the tears of poor people/low income workers resulting from their unveiling of Budget 2020 with the intention of using them for lubrication as part of the traditional and well earned post-budget orgy. “Shit, we’ve been rumbled,” screamed now panicked… Read more »
FRESH from Brexit officially been upgraded from a ‘shit show’ to ‘a festival of faeces that never ends’, Britain’s planning has officially entered the ‘Germans are Nazis’ phase of successfully safeguarding Britain from the harmful consequences of a potentially devastating no deal Brexit. “Germans are Nazis innit,” explained head of PM Boris Johnson’s Lazy Xenophobia… Read more »
AS more and more details emerge surrounding Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s affair with business woman Jennifer Arcuri, the public have issued a plea to have less and less details emerge surrounding Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s alleged affair with businesswoman Jennifer Arcuri. Stating emphatically that a politician having sexual relations with someone who they were subsequently giving… Read more »
FOLLOWING THE unveiling of Boris Johnson’s Brexit proposals that could serve as an alternative to the backstop, the Irish government has been left in the tough position of choosing between stating once more that the backstop is the only available option on the table that safeguards the Good Friday Agreement or embracing the steaming pile… Read more »
A BRITISH SOLDIER from Swindon is reportedly completely unaware he will be pointing a gun at an elderly woman in Belfast in the near future, demanding she vacate her vehicle in the moments preceding a tragic incident that will forever remain in the minds of people in Northern Ireland, but not anyone from England, and which… Read more »
TAKING A break from suggesting glass hammers and chocolate teapots could be potential solutions to the Irish border issue, prime minister Boris Johnson has apologised and taken full responsibility for allegedly groping a journalist’s inner thigh at a dinner in 1999, by blaming it entirely on an older world leader who said it was cool… Read more »
TRAGEDY HAS struck the British government at the pivotal moment when Boris Johnson should have finally been able to celebrate handing over new ‘alternative arrangements’ Brexit plans that were set to transform negotiations with the EU. Dilyn, the newly installed pet dog at number 10 Downing Street is said to have eaten the amazing plans… Read more »
BLASTING breakup songs from a stereo and knocking back a 6-pack of Lech purchased from a nearby Lidl, continually disgraced prime minister of Britain, Boris Johnson, has shown up at Buckingham Palace topless, pleading with the Queen to forgive him after the UK Supreme Court ruled he lied to her about his justification for proroguing… Read more »
THE Supreme Court ruling surrounding the illegality of the Tory government’s suspension of parliament has hit Boris Johnson hard today, but sources close to Downing Street have said that the PM is taking solace in the fact that Friday night’s carefully-planned drinking session in a brewery will surely lift his spirits. “We’ve been ordered back… Read more »
FAR from the frail-looking woman who resigned as prime minister in July, the Theresa May who met WWN outside her newly-opened Zumba dance studio in London today is a fresh-faced, agile lady, with a body covered in sheets of glistening muscle. “I’ve never felt better,” beamed May, drinking from one of those fancy sports water bottles in… Read more »