Tag: brexit

5 Jobs Bercow Can Try Now

ORDER! Order! It’s time for John Bercow to call last orders on his time as speaker of the House Of Commons, following a stewardship that saw him presided over some of the most heated, contentious debates in the history of the crumbled Empire. So what next for Bercow? Here’s five roles we think he’d fit… Read more »

Johnson Presented With ‘Irish History For Complete Fucking Morons’ During Dublin Visit

BORIS JOHNSON’S brief visit to Dublin was dominated by his inability to form coherent sentences regarding the border and no deal Brexit, but after Taoiseach Leo Varadkar thoughtfully presented him with a copy of Irish History For Complete Fucking Morons, it is hoped he may reconsider his current lack of any plan. The introductory book,… Read more »

Johnson Stands On Fifth Rake Of Day

UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson is on high alert for a sixth smack in the face from a rake that he has trodden on, having already received five heavy blows to the mush already today. Johnson received his first garden implement to the face earlier this morning, as he stepped out of bed freshly rested… Read more »

Majority Of British Public To Be Treated For PTSD Post Brexit

EXPERTS have claimed that therapy to treat the entire population of Britain for post traumatic stress syndrome following Brexit is to cost the Exchequer hundreds of billions of pounds, WWN can confirm. Such was the stress brought on by three years of financial limbo, scaremongering media headlines and general chaos, the majority of British citizens will have to be treated… Read more »

Johnson Calls In Plumber To Fix Backstop

ARRIVING at number ten carrying only a toolbox and a Wavin pipe, London plumber Mark Willington was ushered in by officials at the prime minister’s residence early this morning, unaware he was now the country’s last only hope. The 34-year-old tradesman was reportedly contacted by Boris Johnson late last night in the hopes of solving Brexit’s biggest hurdle,… Read more »