A NEW poll taken in Northern Ireland has shown that the majority of people living in the North and in surrounding border counties are okay with not being shot, blown up, burned or otherwise harmed, and show no desire to invite any such hassles upon themselves. The results come at the worst possible time for… Read more »
ORDER! Order! It’s time for John Bercow to call last orders on his time as speaker of the House Of Commons, following a stewardship that saw him presided over some of the most heated, contentious debates in the history of the crumbled Empire. So what next for Bercow? Here’s five roles we think he’d fit… Read more »
THE ALREADY insufferable Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has furthered strayed into the ‘can barely look at him without steam coming out of my ears’ category for many voters after basking in the afterglow of praise for his subtle yet barbed remarks to British PM Boris Johnson regarding the ancient Greek goddess Athena. “Everyone loves me now,”… Read more »
BORIS JOHNSON’S brief visit to Dublin was dominated by his inability to form coherent sentences regarding the border and no deal Brexit, but after Taoiseach Leo Varadkar thoughtfully presented him with a copy of Irish History For Complete Fucking Morons, it is hoped he may reconsider his current lack of any plan. The introductory book,… Read more »
AS IT becomes ever more apparent that Boris Johnson’s government is in such disarray that it can’t be counted on to muster the brain cells required to see sense and try to avoid a hard Brexit, the Irish government has steadily increased its level of preparedness for such a regretful outcome. However, no matter how… Read more »
A TERMINALLY ill man whose wife left him for his own brother has spoken of how he counts his blessings for the fact that, at the very least, he’s not having as cataclysmically awful a week as British prime minister Boris Johnson. “I could sit here and feel sorry myself but look at that useless… Read more »
THIS IS the only place to find all essential updates on the continued and neverending political chaos the United Kingdom is gripped in as part of the world’s only case of self-imposed Stockholm Syndrome. Need to know the ‘when’, ‘how’, ‘why’ and ‘seriously, what the fuck?’ of the slow disintegration of the United Kingdom? Then… Read more »
UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson is on high alert for a sixth smack in the face from a rake that he has trodden on, having already received five heavy blows to the mush already today. Johnson received his first garden implement to the face earlier this morning, as he stepped out of bed freshly rested… Read more »
EXPERTS have claimed that therapy to treat the entire population of Britain for post traumatic stress syndrome following Brexit is to cost the Exchequer hundreds of billions of pounds, WWN can confirm. Such was the stress brought on by three years of financial limbo, scaremongering media headlines and general chaos, the majority of British citizens will have to be treated… Read more »
ARRIVING at number ten carrying only a toolbox and a Wavin pipe, London plumber Mark Willington was ushered in by officials at the prime minister’s residence early this morning, unaware he was now the country’s last only hope. The 34-year-old tradesman was reportedly contacted by Boris Johnson late last night in the hopes of solving Brexit’s biggest hurdle,… Read more »