Tag: brexit

The Queen Growing Out Her Cocaine Nail

SETTING ASIDE a lifetime of trying to preserve Britain’s air of dignity, Queen Elizabeth II is finally dropping the repressed facade of impartial poise, grace and restraint in favour of growing out her coke nail. “The Union is disintegrating. C’mon, the fucking PM thinks he’s the King and can force through a no-deal Brexit even… Read more »

Johnson Announces £2.1bn Irish Reunification Funding

CASUALLY referred to by his government as a ‘£2.1 billion No Deal and hard border funding package’, the measures contained in Boris Johnson’s plans for Irish Reunification have been met with universal praise by those who advocate for a United Ireland. While the British media was busy confirming that communist Taoiseach Leo Varadkar was in… Read more »

Johnson Booed By Inebriated Scottish Junkies Munching On Deep Fried Mars Bars

FRESH from being embarrassed by protesters as he met with Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon in Scotland, British PM Boris Johnson corrected the official record of events to better reflect the true nature of the encounter. “To the untrained ear, these rabid, vowel-stretching Scottish neanderthals sounded at first like they were voicing their disapproval for… Read more »

Britain Diagnosed With Malignant Tumour

A DOCTOR performing a routine check up on the land mass of the United Kingdom has sadly revealed she has discovered the presence of a malignant tumour. The fleshy and unsightly lump, weighing about 15 stone, is fused tightly to Great Britain and could cause irreparable long term damage. “I’m sorry to say it’s a… Read more »

Britain Fined £8bn By EU For Loitering

BRITAIN has been fined a staggering 8 billion pounds sterling after it was found to be loitering in the European Union, despite being told to move on by the EU 3 years ago. The European Parliament issued the fine to Number 10 late last night, giving Britain 28 days to pay and leave, or if not, goods to the… Read more »