Johnson Still Favourite To Become Last Ever Prime Minister Of Britain


DESPITE his reluctance to partake in televised debates and wilfully expose his avarice and ineptitude before the British public Boris Johnson remains the bookies favourite to win the Tory leadership contest and become Britain’s last ever prime minister.

As the contest draws closer to whittling the contenders down to the final two, many believe Johnson will further whittle Britain down to a shadow of its former, former-self to such an extent that whatever is left behind won’t be Britain at all.

“He would not have been my personal choice for our last ever PM but, sod it, it’ll be fun in a terrifying, ‘why did we do this?’ sort of way,” confirmed one Briton, who’s not sure what she’ll be calling herself when there’s no longer a Britain.

With polls showing a majority of Tory voters would still want Brexit even if it meant Scotland and Northern Ireland would leave the Union, Johnson is the sort of leader that seems specifically designed to make such a thing a reality with the poll’s findings further enhancing his leadership chances.

Making a rare public appearance in which he didn’t conduct himself like a toddler trapped in a washing machine with a nappy hasn’t been changed in over a year, Johnson seemed upbeat about his future as Britain’s final prime minister.

“How does that terribly apt saying ‘don’t cry because it’s over, rather cry because it’s happening right in front of your eyes and there’s nothing you can do about it,” Johnson said while running away from a group of journalists attempting to ask him substantive questions.