Teenagers Awaiting Execution In Saudi Arabia Celebrate World Cup 2034 Bid News
SAUDI WORLD CUP 2034 bid officials have confirmed the soon-to-be executed quartet of Jalal Labbad, Yousef al-Manasif, Abdullah al-Darazi and Abdullah al-Huwaiti are ‘overjoyed’ at the news FIFA have been sufficiently bribed and coerced into granting the nation the world cup.
Aged between 14 and 18 when arrested, they are charged with terrorism offences for attending the funerals of anti-government protesters killed by security forces but that’s the last thing on their minds according to happy Saudi officials.
“They were speechless, probably from the years of torturing, but I like to think they were just so impressed with our carbon neutral bullshit bid, the country may be a morale and literal desert but its fertile ground for football,” explained a Saudi spokesperson.
Reacting to the news, football’s governing body was equally delighted.
“Today I feel… like I don’t want to be chopped up in a Saudi embassy so no comment thanks,” said a cash pile of US dollars claiming to be FIFA chief Gianni Infantino.
“They may be at risk of imminent execution but we’re at risk of executing the perfect plan for increasing all our banks balances,” added Infantino, his brass neck slowly turning solid gold.
Speaking about the impending executions (something they assured the international community they wouldn’t do anymore) the Saudi government rubbished the public outcry.
“Hey, can’t we all just skip to the part where we hire David Beckham as our World Cup ambassador or some shit like that and we can all move on with our lives? Well, those of us that are still living anyway,” confirmed the spokesperson.