“Technically Drago Beat Rocky To A Pulp”: All The Hot Takes From The Putin Interview

IN WHAT is being hailed by your weird smelling uncle as the Russian President’s toughest interview to date, WWN has compiled all the hot takes from Tucker Carlson’s grilling of the most elusive world leaders of the 21st century, Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin.

“I thought Joe Rogan had no hair and looked like a boiled ham pumped full of steroids?” – Putin’s reaction to first meeting Tucker Carlson

“Definitely in the fridge,” Putin replied when Tucker asked a no holes barred question about where he keeps the ketchup. A clear indication this would not be an interview full of softball questions.

“There is no doubt in my mind that Apple continue to slow down older phones to force your hand to buy a new one,” – Putin claimed as he demonstrated to Carlson with two iPhones charging together, “this is criminal, yet the West continues to turn a blind eye”.

“This interview is Gu-lagging a bit. Maybe I should talk about 16th Russian history again?” – Putin suggested, when asked about the Nord Stream pipeline.

“I suppose they’ll be calling you Cucker Tarlson now?” Putin jested, forcing Carlson to giggle like a schoolgirl with a crush.

In a heated exchange, Putin slammed Carlson’s suggestion that Rocky beat Drago in the movie Rocky IV, stating the Russian boxer was far superior in strength, speed and boxing abilities. A 2-hour break had to be called by the production team to allow both men to calm down.

“I know you are but what am I?” Putin cleverly deflected when asked if he thought fixing elections and changing laws to keep in him power indefinitely was “a little bit dictatory”.

“I’m listening to some old-school Czech industrial techno in my earpiece – it keeps me calm,” Putin revealed why his feet were tapping right through the entire two-hour interview.

“The Wire – all day. Sopranos second, then Breaking Bad,” he replied to a question about his top TV series of all time, before then going on about how the story of Tony Soprano’s crew paralleled the Kingdom of Poland and the Grand Duchy of Lithuania of the 1600s.