Risk Elderly Presidential Candidates Will Forget To Bring Up Opponent’s Poor Memory


POLITICAL strategists in America fear their advice on the weaknesses of the two presidential front runners will go unheeded in large part due to the fact that the ailing advertisements for Alzheimers research, Joe Biden and Donald Trump, will struggle to remember to bring up their opponents poor memory.

In the wake of a Republican special council declining to bring charges against Biden for retaining classified documents from his time as vice-president due to the fact he felt a jury would not convict Biden on account of being ‘elderly and having a poor memory’, the opportunity to chip away at his credibility is wide open for Trump, if he could concentrate for longer than 30 seconds.

“We set up that nakedly partisan hatchet job, so we could use this in attack ads, we work shopped what phrase to use ‘elderly with poor memory’ but does Donald bring it up on stage? No, he starts weeping about Taylor Swift and the fucking NFL,” said one Republican strategist, now weeping himself.

“Trump has in recent months said his opponent in the upcoming 2024 election is Barack Obama and mistaken Nikki Haley for Nancy Pelosi. Do you think we can get Biden to remember to bring this up when he’s on the campaign? Hah!” said one exhausted strategist for the Democrats.

According to these strategists it is the great tragedy of the forthcoming election campaign that never have two candidates given their opponents so much to ridicule them over but been so cognitively corroded to the point that they have to wear name badges to remind themselves of who they are.

“We spent months reminding Joe to bring up the fact Trump mistakenly identified E Jean Carroll as his ex-wife in a photo during a deposition, but he’s too busy mistakenly identifying Mexico as Egypt in press interviews,” said the latest strategist to up and quit on the spot.

“Face it, these aging asshats think the hippocampus is grazing in a shallow watering hole in the Serengeti.”