Irish Basketball Team Accused Of Antisemitism For Attempting To Score Points Against Israeli Opponents


IF IT WASN’T despicable enough to refuse to shake hands with the Israeli women’s basketball team after they leveled an accusation of antisemitism against their Irish opponents, the Irish team immediately proved their antisemitism by proceeding to score 57 points in the EuroBasket 2025 Qualifier.

“Going for a three-pointer? You might as well get in a time machine and sign up to Hitler’s army,” confirmed one Israeli basketball expert, who wasn’t interested in basketball until someone brought up feeling conflicted playing against a country whose army is swiftly becoming the Lebron James of war crimes.

“You know amidst the frenzied push by Netanyahu and the IDF to continue their endless and bloody retribution against innocent Gazans civilians for the Hamas attacks on October 7th, there was a risk that some people could cheapen the memory of those who died in the Holocaust and the scourge of antisemitism by labeling every objection or criticism as ‘Nazism’ but I’m glad we’ve struck the right balance by losing our shit over the Irish basketball team,” said Dor Sa’ar, Israeli basketball player and spokesperson for Everything I Don’t Like Is Antisemitism.

While the Irish team may have lost 87-57, the significance of their vile attempts to put points on the board has not been lost on people, including the IDF.

“They’re being so obvious, it’s frankly disgusting; 57 is what? Seven minus five equals two, and how many world wars have their been? Exactly, two. I’m sickened by Ireland’s behaviour, I can’t even focus at work,” confirmed one IDF solider, who despite the events of the game, somehow found the courage to drop bombs on women and children sheltering in the southern Gazan city of Rafah.

Elsewhere, the Irish team has thanked the Irish public and media for their sudden interest and look forward to the public maintaining this level of focus for the remainder of the qualifiers