Smoke Alarm Braces For Busy Night As Student Attempts To Cook


A SMOKE ALARM based in the Dublin kitchen of a student houseshare is set for the most grueling evening of its existence after 19-year-old student Donal Green has had the bright idea to cook something that isn’t a microwavable meal or ordering a takeaway.

Green, when seven pints in several nights ago, gave the impression to fellow student and love interest Riona Claffin that he was a cook of some repute as part of bid to successfully secure a date on home turf. However, judging by the incessant Banshee wailing of the smoke detector this claim has proven totally false.

“And he’s only chopped some coriander at this stage, why the fuck is there smoke everywhere?” remarked the smoke alarm, which has only let out a high pitched squeak on three previous occasions; all caused by a pressing of the test red button by the landlord during his annual visits at the start of each academic year.

“I don’t think my batteries can handle this, they haven’t been changed for six years,” cried the alarm as Green coughed repeatedly with the thought to open a window never occurring to him.

Further distress was caused to the alarm as it became apparent Green would be attempting to make a baked desert as well as a starter and main.

“It’s actually a family recipe mixed with a TikTok recipe I saw” remarked Green to Cahill as he slaved over freeing frozen potato wedges from their packaging.

Despite the humble offering Cahill admitted to being impressed by the fact a houseshare between four lads had two clean plates and cutlery to match.

“Oh God, just rip me out of the ceiling, throw me away, I can’t take it anymore,” wailed the alarm as Green sensibly hurled pints of water into the open grease-riddled oven to combat his chicken nuggets being set ablaze.