All Your Kate Middleton Conspiracy Theories In One Place


WHERE IS KATE Middleton? That’s what the gossip hungry public has been asking ever since she attended hospital for a medical procedure.

But, does anyone have the answer as to her mysterious disappearance? WWN has collated all the well founded and correctly hinged conspiracies in one handy place for you to peruse while simultaneously claiming the royal family is of zero interest to you:

The writers for The Crown series 7 needed some new material.

This isn’t the first time they replaced a Kate, they may try to hide it but we remember Kate Beginnington and they’re going to introduce Kate Endington with a straight face and expect us to just take it?

She’s in hiding because she thought Saltburn was a documentary and now thinks Oliver is coming to kill her.

Kate is currently shedding her skin at a special reptilian ranch in Texas.

She was last seen at the Willy Wonka experience in Glasgow.

Prince William is turning her into a giant human-sized peg via lengthy surgeries so he can place her in her entirety into his bum. The Palace doesn’t want you Googling ‘Prince of pegging’.

She hates the British public with every fibre of her being and just needs a fucking break from all the smiling and hand shaking and assorted bullshit that comes with a being part of an establishment that is based on contempt for the poor, if nothing else.

Middleton was secretly beheaded for refusing to take her husband’s surname.

Someone at the palace accidentally wrote her official title as the ‘Princess of Whales’ and she’s been living in the sea with a pod of whales ever since.

A Taylor Swift fan found an old Kate Middleton Bebo comment from 2006 in which she slagged off the singer and that was the end of her.

According to the Daily Mail, Meghan Markle kidnapped Kate and is currently holding her for ransom.

The lady from the ‘Who TF Did I Marry’ Tiktok series will explain all about Kate’s disappearance in just 149 Tiktoks.