Man Grows Beard As Apology To Self For Not Having Hair On Head

IN A BID to curry favour with the vacant retail space above his eyebrows a man who recently went bald has decided to grow a beard, in a bid cheer up his cold, barren noggin.

“It’s my way of saying don’t worry, we’ve still got something going on, y’know?” said Waterford man Simon Ruane.

“There is a small percentage of me which is trying to trick my follicles to the point where my side burns just keep growing upwards like ivy or something,” added Ruane.

The 34-year-old was left with no alternative but to shave his head after realising if he held out any longer he’d be living a farcical lie which would involve a combover and so he had to take the necessary next step.

“I didn’t want to do it, I know you’re mad but look what’s going on down here, we’ve got something going on, it’s a chin party and everybody’s invited,” Ruane reasoned with his now bald dome.

“No, don’t be silly no one is even going to notice, not with this show stopper decorating my chin like an ornate ginger Aran jumper,” Ruane continued to reassure his head.