Women Will Remain Inferior Until Their Jeans Come With Proper Pockets


A RECENT SURVEY of the public has revealed that many men believe the biggest obstacle women have to surmount to gain true equality is getting fashion brands to install proper pockets on jeans that have the ability to carry multiple items.

“You can talk about possessing the ability to bring life into this world, all well and good, but I’ve got four kangaroo pouches on my trousers, have you?” said one survey respondent.

Achieving equality across all aspects of society will forever ring hollow as womankind is deprived of the joy of having deep ample room in the pockets of their jeans.

“Skin tight, skin shite if you ask me. Wallet, keys, phones, receipt from Spar for milk that is two months old in back pocket. I’m a walking handbag whereas the world’s greatest safe cracker couldn’t get into the pocket on women’s jeans,” added another survey taker.

Usually misogyny, pay disparity and other issues top the yearly survey in terms of biggest barriers to equality, however, many men finally feel brave enough to call out the absurd reality.

“We’re talking about getting pockets in ALL trousers in your collection not just that one pair of cargo pants now that they’re back in fashion,” offered one man.

It also emerged that having a back pocket in which your phone is poking halfway out the top doesn’t constitute a functioning pocket and that whatever is going on with those side pockets on yoga pants don’t count either.

“Carrying a bag is literally the physical manifestation of their second class status. Anytime they try to put something in those pathetic excuse for mini ‘pockets’ on their jeans they look like they’re trying to wrestle a snake that’s got loose under there,” confirmed another man.