Tag: brexit

Will, Of The People, Speak Outs

THREE years after he made the decision on behalf of the British public to leave the EU, the so-called ‘Will, of the people’ speaks out for the first time exclusively to WWN and makes his true feelings known. “The Will, of the people, must be respected,” Tory leader and British PM Boris Johnson incessantly hectors… Read more »

Bercow Signs Lucrative Sponsorship Deal With Lockets

EVERYONE’S favourite speaker of the House Of Commons John Bercow needn’t worry about being stuck for a few quid after stepping down from his position after the canny orator has lined up a plum role as the spokesperson for Lockets, the popular throat lozenges. Bercow was seen as a ‘perfect fit’ for the brand, with… Read more »

Shitshow Upgraded To Festival Of Faeces

THE NEWS is ever changing. Conflicting reports everywhere. Boris Johnson has agreed a deal with the EU and has become Britain’s hero in their darkest hour, securing a deal that finally ensures economic self-harm and poorer living standards for the already poor in Britain. The DUP, however, has in a surprising turn said ‘No’ to something… Read more »

Cat Drags In Arlene Foster

LICKING its filthy paws to rid itself of that God awful mothball smell from its latest catch, the metaphorical cat looked up apologetically after dragging in what appeared to be DUP leader Arlene Foster, before leaving the unwanted catch on the nation’s doorstep. “Gays, women’s choice over their own bodies; what do you think you’re playing at?” the squirming mass slithered… Read more »

Lady Of The Black Rod Resumes Day Job With Dyno-Rod

SARAH Clarke, also known as Lady Usher Of The Black Rod, the ceremonial face of British parliament and a key player in yesterday’s re-opening of the House Of Lords, is back to her day job rodding drains with the ever-busy drain-rodding company Dyno-Rod. Trading her black-and-white ceremonial garb for an orange high-vis jumpsuit, Lady Clarke opened up… Read more »

Britain To Launch Its Own EU

STOCK markets across the world have been sent into a frenzy this afternoon as the UK announced it will launch its own European Union next year, aptly naming the new venture EU.2, WWN can confirm. Speaking outside Number 10 Downing Street, Prime Minister Boris Johnson detailed plans for a “bigger, stronger Europe”, calling on neighbours Ireland… Read more »

Government Deny Collecting Poor People’s Tears To Use As Lubrication In Post-Budget Orgy

THE FINE GAEL led minority government has fiercely denied claims that they have been hurriedly collecting the tears of poor people/low income workers resulting from their unveiling of Budget 2020 with the intention of using them for lubrication as part of the traditional and well earned post-budget orgy. “Shit, we’ve been rumbled,” screamed now panicked… Read more »

Britain’s Brexit Planning Enters ‘Comparing Merkel To Hitler’ Phase

FRESH from Brexit officially been upgraded from a ‘shit show’ to ‘a festival of faeces that never ends’, Britain’s planning has officially entered the ‘Germans are Nazis’ phase of successfully safeguarding Britain from the harmful consequences of a potentially devastating no deal Brexit. “Germans are Nazis innit,” explained head of PM Boris Johnson’s Lazy Xenophobia… Read more »