Metallica Fan Warms Up For Dublin Gigs By Moshing In Office

INJURING seven coworkers with stray elbows in a cramped office kitchenette is just the preparation 55-year-old Paul Keele needs ahead of this weekend’s Metallica gigs in Dublin where he is planning to let out a year’s worth of pent up rage and frustration, WWN can report.

“Blow the cobwebs out y’know, it’s been awhile, gotta be ready” explained Keele, donning his ‘aging rocker at concert’ apparel to the office despite a strict formal clothing policy.

“I don’t want a repeat of Slane in 2019, I wasn’t at my peak moshing fitness,” added Keele as he ran full pelt at Angela in accounts while blasting Enter Sandman from his phone.

While many concert veterans appreciate the need to be ‘locked in’ and ready for epic concerts, Keele is finding the HR department at Flynn & Daphne Engineering is a lot less understanding.

“Martin’s only just got the hip done Paul, you put him through the glass wall outside the conference room,” explained HR’s Kate Lally, failing to accept Keele’s explanations that in mosh pits there’s ‘no hard feelings’ and that ‘everyone is fair game’.

Keele has said he will not let his immediate suspension dampen his mood as the concerts fast approach and that if the ‘HR spoofers’ were serious about mental health and wellbeing in the workplace, they would hold a weekly moshpit in reception soundtracked to Seek & Destroy.