Liberated Britain Day 4: Johnson Bans Journalists


THE GREAT British public are luxuriating in the afterglow of yet another day of being safely out of the clutches of the evil EU, with today’s Great Brexit Empire Triumph™ coming in the form of Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s aides banning journalists, who write things in papers and on websites he doesn’t like, from an important press briefing on trade negotiations with the EU.

“Oh joy! What a refreshingly stupendous way to mark our continued Brexit success,” remarked someone still high on January 31st’s Brexit Day.

While the perfectly normally occurrences of banning journalists from publications that dare question a government is but a mighty show of how healthy a democracy is, some have wrongly suggested such a thing could feasibly be seen as an unsettling portent of sinister things yet to come.

“No, that sort of talk won’t do,” remarked one of those yet to suffer a Brexit Day comedown.

“Has our dear Brexit Angel Johnson considered revoking these kinds of people permission to talk, better yet remove their dissenting tongues. Does the government need me to spy and report on The Non-Believers who dare doubt the cluster-success that is Brexit? My wife, she is foreign, I fear she doubts Brexit,” continued the man.

Issuing guidelines to anyone who feels they have yet to experience any benefit from Brexit, Johnson’s senior advisor Dominic Cummings recommended people gather in groups to burn EU flags and share their favourite racial slurs, and if that doesn’t do anything they are to report themselves to authorities for being among The Non-Believers.