JUBILANT scenes evidenced around England yesterday have brought forth a bitterness in Irish people not seen since Katrina & The Waves scooped Eurovision glory for Britain in Dublin in 1997, WWN can report. “Hundred of thousands of vaccinated people out enjoying pints in the late evening sun, while we’re over here drinking tea and watching… Read more »
TONNES of uneaten food wastage has piled up in the UK as a result of Jennifer Arcuri, former lover of PM Boris Johnson, going into appetite obliterating detail about her 4-year affair with the Tory leader. “Nationwide starvation is very much a possibility,” confirmed concerned GP Dr Martin Partland, for once not talking about how… Read more »
BORIS JOHNSON is said to be struggling to perfect the most indelicate, ignorant and unhelpful set of remarks in response to the emergence of serious threats being issued by Loyalist thugs to port staff in Northern Ireland as a result of a sea border existing between it and the mainland UK. “I think the best… Read more »
BRITISH PM Boris Johnson has marked the grim milestone of 100,000 people dying from Covid by taking ‘full responsibility’ for a litany of failures and scandals that have exacerbated the Covid-19 crisis. “Now, not the the ‘full responsibility’ that means I’ll step down you understand,” clarified Johnson, seconds after taking the fullest of responsibility. “Just… Read more »
US PRESIDENT Joe Biden has unveiled an official White House lapdog to compliment ‘First Dogs’ Champ and Major, WWN understands. “Oh Boris is very attentive, but sadly not too bright. He does hang on President Biden’s every word though,” shared one official with knowledge of the talking Biden has done towards his new lapdog. Like… Read more »
BRITISH Prime Minister Boris Johnson has given his loyal working class subjects his full assurances that even though they face many severe Covid-based restrictions over the Christmas period, everyone will still be able to sit down around the telly to watch The Queen while eating jellied eels and fish ‘n chips and spotted dick and… Read more »
CELEBRATING a rare win by only losing a House of Lords vote on key parts of his Brexit bill legislation by 268 votes, Boris Johnson is keen to distract by people by drawing attention to someone, anyone not wearing a remembrance poppy. “Look, over there,” said a panicked Johnson pointing in several directions trying to… Read more »
PLAUDITS are continuing to pour into the UK from nations around the world, with governments thanking Boris and the Tories for providing a reliable source of Coronavirus statistics and strategies that make their own seem ‘not so bad’. “We were really looking bad there for a minute” said Italian Prime Minister Giuseppe Conte, as the… Read more »
EVOKING the daring-do of the great generation that survived World War II, but won’t survive him, Britain’s PM Boris Johnson delivered an impassioned speech to a room of corpses which contracted and subsequently died from Covid-19. “Keep calm and carry on, ” Johnson bellowed, delighted with how the markets have ‘rallied’ and the pound has… Read more »
THE GREAT British public are luxuriating in the afterglow of yet another day of being safely out of the clutches of the evil EU, with today’s Great Brexit Empire Triumph™ coming in the form of Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s aides banning journalists, who write things in papers and on websites he doesn’t like, from an… Read more »