Paul Gascoigne Turns Up Outside Downing St With Lager


THE FULL gravity of the threat to Boris Johnson’s political future is finally being felt as ex-England football legend Paul Gascoigne has turned up outside 10 Downing St armed with fishing gear and a 6-pack of Carling.

Gascoigne appearance comes just 24 hours after a series of rats issued statements about the need to flee the sinking nuclear bomb site that is Downing St after 3 years of nonstop explosions.

“Aye, I’m here to talk to the lad,” said Gascoigne, seeking to gain entry into Downing St and speak with a sociopathic shut-in hellbent on destruction.

Johnson faces calls for his resignation following a hugely heartwarming story which saw a number of Tory MPs awake from a debilitating coma that left them dormant for much of Johnson’s political life.

“Don’t cry because it’s over Boris, smile because of all the irreparable damage you’ve caused,” resigning Tories are rumoured to have said to Johnson, who for now remains in place despite lying about something for the several thousandth time while in office.

UPDATE: Sharing a crowded plinth outside Downing St, all 12 of Boris Johnson’s mistresses have resigned from their roles, following on from Johnson’s dog Dilyn.

FURTHER UPDATE: Johnson remains the bookies favourite as a last minute shock entry into Casa Amor. Police are reacting to reports Johnson has taken to the roof and is holding a gun to his successful consequence-free oven ready Brexit deal and threatening to shoot it.