UK To Party Like Death Toll Only 1999

THEY say 30,000 daily cases, mainly Delta, party over; but contrary to this advice the UK is to press ahead with lifting of all restrictions in the country on the 19th of July, as if the Covid death toll were much less than 128,000 souls, WWN can report.

“I was dreaming when I said we would roll back all restrictions, including the wearing of face-masks in public, and thankfully that dream has come true” beamed Prime Minister Boris Johnson, as members of the medical community around the world spat out their tea in unison.

“And yes, all of the graphs are pointing a little more ‘up’ than we would like, but we’re here to say that failing to ease restrictions when we said we would, is just going to be a frightful look for us. We’re supposed to be the governing party, we can’t look like we don’t know what we’re doing. So July 19th it is; we want everyone to get out here and party like our mortality and long Covid rate isn’t among the highest in the world”.

Although many expected the citizens of the UK to be aghast at the easing of restrictions at a time when experts are warning of cataclysmic rates of infection, it appears that Johnson’s doubling-down on his decision has struck a popular chord with the masses.

“It’s going to be amazing to get back to work in a small office with hundreds of unvaccinated people breathing all over each other, without a mask in sight” beamed one Briton we talked to, spurning suggestions that mass psychosis may be a hitherto unrecognised symptom of Covid-19.