How To Make Your Own Digital Covid Cert

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IF YOU are not one of the 1.8 million Irish people vaccinated and in line to receive your Digital Covid Cert in the coming days then you may be a young person wondering about what sort of activities will you be barred from participating in.

But instead of bemoaning such uneven, unenforceable and discriminatory practices you can instead start making your own EU recognised cert at home with every day items.

You’ll need:

Paper
A pen
Crayons
A photo of yourself that is ‘passport photo’ levels of hideous and unflattering.
Glitter
Glue
A cup of tea
Unique QR code linked to previous vaccinations and PPS number that will be near impossible to replicate

1) With the crayon carefully scrawl on the paper in very juvenile handwriting ‘Dig Covie Cert’ at the top.

2) The Cert is a joyous gateway to a return to normal life experiences such as eating indoors, and so it needs to reflect that if you’re to fool bouncers and police thus, it should be covered in bright sparkly glitter. Use the glue to help the glitter to stick.

3) Write a convincing permission slip for yourself along the lines of ‘X is allowed eat inside because the Irish government made it very easy for someone in there 20s to get vaccinated in a timely manner as the Delta variant spread like wildfire’ then sign the bottom of the cert with Tony Holohan’s name to give it an authentic feel.

4) Pour a cup of tea all over your cert to give it a weathered, aged and ‘used’ look to it. You’ve had this cert for weeks now even though you’re 20, you do deserve to eat indoor, not just work indoors. This isn’t a fake that you’ll need to carry around for 3 months minimum. It’s the real deal. Believe!

5) Take an old crossword from a newspaper and place it on the cert – this is your unique QR that is incredibly hard to replicate using the basic means you have your disposal. “Won’t the people working in places thoroughly check every cert it is handed by people?” If you think Irish people could be arsed checking through 1.8 million certs as they enter and exit premises to use services and products then you clearly don’t know this country.

The ‘ah you’re grand I don’t need to check it I believe ya’ method of waving people on will become the norm on day two of the certs being in use.

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