Taoiseach Knackered Already


AFTER spending his entire first day creating one Tiktok video which took several hours to perfect, newly appointed Taoiseach Simon Harris is said to be ‘absolutely knackered already’ and is going to have a little rest.

Forfeiting leaders questions to reenergise himself, the 37-year-old leader was accused of ‘contempt’ over his Dáil absence yesterday, something sources say opposition TDs should get used to.

“Simon can’t be high energy all the time, that’s impossible,” a spokesharris told WWN, “he has a window of about four hours before he crashes, but he can get a lot done in that short space of time – you know how these young people needs lots of rest – it took him 93 takes to get that Tiktok right yesterday. People obviously have no idea the amount of work something like that takes to get right”.

Previously boasting that he was getting straight to work, he was moving mountains, Harris is now expected to take a proper stab at this Taoiseach thing on Monday.

“Starting a job mid-week always has a ‘coasting to the weekend’ aspect to it so mentally Simon isn’t really set to crack in until Monday, this week was always going to be a sort of induction period for him” the spokesharris added, “and if anyone’s doubting his energy, the summer holidays are just around the corner so he’ll have plenty of time to recharge again for the few weeks leading into the Christmas holidays – he basically only has to work the bones of a few months until the next election”.

Elsewhere, some observers have made the shocking and deeply offensive claim that Sinn Féin’s criticism at Harris’s absence was purely performative as they were aware since last week that the Fine Gael leader would not be in attendance.