Preliminary data from the Personal Injuries Assessment Board which Leo Varadkar has presented to cabinet as part of a report into insurance reform indicates that the average award paid out has decreased by around 50%, prompting one gormless eejit to presume the savings recouped by companies will actually be passed onto customers.
“Oh that’s great news, because insurance companies always said they had to raise premiums because of payouts but now that payouts are down we should all expect a call soon about a 50% reduction in cost,” shared Liam Rafflin, severely afflicted by the sort of chronic naivety which shows he hasn’t been paying attention to any company offering services in Ireland for the last 100 years.
“I suppose for me it’s a relief because I felt they were semi-criminal enterprises colluding together to rip me and others off and bleed us dry – sure didn’t the EU call them a cartel, but this is a good turn in events, nice reduction headed all our way, I might buy new floor mats for the car,” added Rafflin, who will remain fully-comprehensive gouged beyond belief by his insurance provider so long as he lives.
“That’s a weight off, more money for the basics you know. Owning a car in Ireland will finally be less expensive than eating a diet consisting solely of champagne and caviar. Don’t know about you but I’m delighted the cost will definitely be going down,” continued Rafflin, the sort of open hearted, genuine person insurance companies take special pleasure in screwing over with a surprise increase.
We appreciate all the help we can get, become a WWN Patreon Supporter below and gain access to bonus content.Become a Patron!