Tag: england

Prince Andrew Consults Mystical Palace Hag For Advice

THE ROYAL family’s personal witch priestess of the woods has warned Prince Andrew not to say or do anything that would incriminate himself ahead of an upcoming sexual assault investigation, while adding that slaying a stallion foal under moonlight before the Autumn equinox ‘wouldn’t hurt’ either. “Dame Hassara de Valentina Muerta hasn’t given an English… Read more »

Tory Government Actively Trying To Kill Them Gives English People Chance To Experience What It Was Like Being Catholic In N. Ireland

FOLLOWING on from news stories including how their PM Boris Johnson was perfectly okay with the elderly dying, ‘Freedom Day’ lifting of restrictions seemingly designed to kill off the vulnerable, and tests and food running out, the English people are finally getting to sample what it was like to be a targeted Catholic in Northern… Read more »

Queen Declares Today Officially Av’ It Large Day

WITH a ceremonial blast from two jewel-encrusted airhorns, the Queen has formally kicked off Freedom Day with a powerful speech imploring the nation to ‘have a mad one’. “Come on you slags, let one be having you” read the Queen, as all existing Covid regulations in England were officially lifted, giving the greenlight for as… Read more »

“Racism Is Staying Home”

ENGLAND’s gallant run to the final of the Euros and subsequent loss to Italy in the cruelest fashion via penalties means football is going to Rome, but it’s not all bad news as in the aftermath of the game it became depressingly clear many English people made sure racism was staying home. Condemning the vile… Read more »

WWN Previews England Vs Denmark

WHILE England have expressed their confusion at being inconvenienced by this evening’s foregone conclusion against Denmark, a mere 4 days before they beat Italy in the final of the Euros, the game will still go ahead. BBC and ITV’s pre-match analysis of the semi-final will consist of ‘can you believe we beat Denmark’ in the… Read more »

UK To Party Like Death Toll Only 1999

THEY say 30,000 daily cases, mainly Delta, party over; but contrary to this advice the UK is to press ahead with lifting of all restrictions in the country on the 19th of July, as if the Covid death toll were much less than 128,000 souls, WWN can report. “I was dreaming when I said we… Read more »