Things Boris Johnson Would Actually Resign Over

BRITISH Crime Minister Boris Johnson has been fined by police for breaching lockdown rules and attending a Downing St lockdown party but early indications suggest there’s more chance of it snowing on the sun during an Elvis concert than of the Tory leader actually resigning.

This despite the fact the lying liar lied about lying about the lies he told when he said he didn’t know there were parties happening in his own home and if he did know, well, he didn’t know he was breaking the laws he came up with.

So just what crime, scandal or cock up would be so grave that this haunted cabbage with a shriveled bollock for a brain would tender his resignation? WWN has done the research and it turns out Johnson would resign if:

His policies accidentally led to an improvement in the lives of the poor.

Paternity tests became a requirement for PMs.

He failed to make the son of a former KGB agent a Lord.

He lifted the visa requirement for Ukrainian refugees fleeing a war zone.

He couldn’t claim the £50 fine as an expense.

Child poverty figures in the UK dipped below 4 million children.

He discovered the concept of ‘shame’.

A big red bus with ‘resign’ on it caught his eye.

188,000 Britons died in a pandemic, during which he missed key early meetings, said ‘let the bodies pile up’ and his government handed out billions in Covid contracts to Tory donors.

The supreme court ruled that he unlawfully prorogued parliament and lied to the Queen during the height of Brexit.

Those pictures of him sticking his todger in Margaret Thatcher’s grave were made public.