RUNNING in the direction of Joe Biden as fast as its little legs can carry it, Ireland, speaking a million miles an hour, snot bulging from its nose and short of breath, is trying to tell the US what the UK is always saying the second everyone’s backs are turned.
“And then they’re all like ‘Article 16 is coming out’ but then they’re all ‘we never said’, then the media is saying ‘UK privately says it’s an all out trade and culture war’ and then UK is like ‘as if’,” said Ireland tugging on the suit jacket of the US, in a bid to get its attention.
“Seriously, look, look, look, do you hear that? They just said ‘who has two thumbs and doesn’t give a fuck about the Good Friday Agreement’,” an exasperated Ireland said.
Rowing back on threats to trigger Article 16 of the Northern Ireland Protocol, Lord David Frost informed the US he never said such things while also pulling on his ears and sticking his tongue out at Ireland.
“Shut up, the adults are talking. What have I told you about speaking out of turn?” Frost said, covering the mouth of Northern Irish businesses touting the many positives to come from the implementation of the Protocol.
Elsewhere in a bid to distract the public from just about everything, Boris Johnson, now sporting a full face tattoo of a poppy, has announced his intention to legalise magic mushrooms thus making hallucinating Brexit success a possibility.