“The Single Mothers In Your Nightmares Receiving Welfare Can’t Hurt You John” Therapist Tells Local Man


UNABLE to absorb the attempts by his therapist to calm and reassure him, local man John Mulcairns remains haunted by the wealthy welfare single mothers that stalk every corner of his slumber.

“But John, you’ve said it yourself, in the nightmares they haven’t chased you down and or emptied out your wallet, and again, none of this is real,” offered therapist Carmel Naffin, hoping to move onto a second subject after two years of this.

Contorted in clear distress Mulcairns struggled to accept the clear distinction between the fantastical horrors of his dreams and the reality of everyday life.

“That’s the thing though, isn’t it?” John whimpered, “the nightmares are real. I mean, okay single mothers don’t really have teeth made of a 500 euro notes like in the my nightmares, or have multiple Audi 5s for legs or give their 27 children diamond encrusted pacifiers, but how can I know for sure that secretly, they’re not hiding all that from me?”

Despite more than 25 years experience dealing with clients who have endured unfathomable levels trauma, Naffin said Mulcairns was the most psychologically fragile individual she had ever dealt with.

“John, I’m not seeking to minimise what is obviously a distressing thing for you but I find this obsession among the most unhealthy I’ve ever encountered in my entire life as a therapist. Can’t you just move on with your life and leave them be?” offered the therapist.

“Wait a minute, that’s exactly what a single mother claiming welfare would say,” Mulcairns said, horrified as Naffin grew before his eyes, vomiting single mother welfare payments out of her mouth as she burst through the ceiling and destroyed Waterford City, all in the moments before he woke up.