AMERICAN OIL and construction corporations have yet to make a decision on what is the best way to ‘destroy and rebuild’ yet another warn torn middle eastern country, the White House has confirmed today. Spokesperson for the multi-billion dollar groups, and front man for the USA, Barak Obama, said the first step towards an occupation in Syria… Read more »
AN ARGENTINIAN mother of a terminally ill child has thanked facebook users today for all their likes, which her 2-year-old son needed for a life saving operation. Teresa Gomez (45) is expected to fly to the UK later this month with the one million likes and exchange them for British pounds, before admitting her son… Read more »
RUSSIAN PREMIER Vladimir Putin has stoutly rejected claims that despite every effort to suppress so-called ‘homosexual propaganda’, the 2014 World Championships have actually turned out to be a flamboyant and excessive display that bares all the hallmarks of being organised by members of the gay community. In an exclusive interview with WWN’s roving reporter and… Read more »
THE LEADER of the Free World’ US President Barack Obama has read words from a carefully drafted statement in response to the reported slaughter of hundreds of Egyptian citizens. Appalled by the images being relayed by international media outlets, President Obama has gone as far as to sit on a meticulously constructed fence which gives… Read more »
A STATE of emergency has been called in the UK today after millions of Britons queued throughout the morning outside local hospitals, with what has been called the largest epidemic of ‘phantom labour pains’ the world has ever seen. Thousands of hospitals and clinics across the country have been inundated with people suffering from the sympathy… Read more »
QUEEN ELIZABETH II said today that she hoped the royal baby would not turn out ginger, like its embarrassing uncle Harry, in what has been called one of her outspoken comments to date. The Head of the Commonwealth made the statement in reply to a question from a reporter while on a series of engagements in the Lake… Read more »
MOSCOW AIRPORT officials have claimed today that whistle-blower, Edward Snowden, keeps ‘bumming fags’ off people, and it’s starting to become a little bit annoying now. The former National Security Agency employee who exposed the US’ surveillance programmes, is said to be constantly harassing passengers travelling from the terminal area of Russia’s busiest airport. “He’s relentless.” said… Read more »
U2 FRONTMAN Bono told Michelle Obama and her two daughters that they wouldn’t be alive today only for himself and fellow humanitarian Bob Geldof’s efforts in Africa. The American presidents family were invited by the star for some lunch at his favourite haunt – Finnegan’s bar, Dalkey village, Dublin. Sources in the well known bar… Read more »
THE UNITED STATES of America announced its intention today to arm the entire population of the earth with automatic weapons by 2015. President Barack Obama has decided to authorise lethal aid to everyone without out a gun to defend themselves against terrorist with guns. Operation ‘Fight firearm with firearm’ will be rolled out immediately across the world… Read more »
INTERNATIONAL SPACE Station commander Chris Hadfield is said to be ‘not so cool’ now that he’s in the earth’s gravitational field, fans of the astronaut admitted today. The 53-year-old Canadian, who arrived back to earth after a 5 month stay on the ISS last month, is reported to be just doing every day normal things,… Read more »