“Another Fucking Ginger Mouth To Feed”, Say British Taxpayers

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BRITISH taxpayers are today wondering if their already stretched budget can accommodate another fucking ginger mouth to feed, following the announcement that Kate Middleton is pregnant again.

The Duchess of Cambridge made the announcement this morning via her Facebook page, with an update that stated she had “One in the Barrow, One in the Mixer”.

The announcement was met with delight from members of the British media, who immediately put all non-Royal Baby news reports on a nine month hiatus. The celebrations by the press were in stark contrast to the reaction of the public, who were just about managing to afford feeding one Royal Baby when the second was announced.

“We were told she was on the fucking pill” said John Smith, a 36-year-old bus driver from Sheffield. “How are we supposed to afford this new arrival? The only saving grace is that we’ve already bought them the essentials when the first child was born. A buggy and a crib and a car seat… they can use all them things again. If they think they’re getting everything brand new then they can fuck off.”.

With cash-strapped Britons currently wondering what they can cut from their expenditure before the new arrival, sources close to Parliament have suggested that the government may be about to cut a deal with Scotland in order to sway them towards a “No” vote in the forthcoming Independence referendum.

“We can’t afford to lose the tax revenue from Scotland now that William has given Kate the fattening pin again” said George Osbourne, current Chancellor of the Exchequer.

“We may need to give the haggis munchers a bit of a deal in order to get them to vote no. We’ll give them the fucking baby when it’s born, if that’s what they want. Just as long as they help with the maintenance payments”.

As negotiations proceeded, expectant mother Kate was placed under an intense media spotlight where she will remain for the duration of her life.

Tributes to the family were pouring in from friends and relatives, including a card sent from Thailand by Prince Harry to his brother William which simply read, “That’s your life fucked now altogether LOLZ”.

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