Backtrack On Yes Vote As Buckfast Threatens To Pull Distribution In Scotland

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PRO-INDEPENDENCE voters were thrown into turmoil this morning after tonic wine makers, Buckfast, announced it would be pulling its Scottish distribution if there was a ‘yes vote’ majority in next week’s referendum.

Buckfast or Buckie, a fortified wine licensed from Buckfast Abbey in British ruled Devon, is one of the most sought after drinks in the highland state, with over 20 billion bottles sold every week.

A spokesperson for the company said it would discontinue its current distribution of the popular beverage due to financial reasons and a ‘conflict of interest’ with the British Parliament.

“We cannot see a future for Buckfast in an Independent Scotland,” said CEO Brent Traynor, who coincidentally met with David Cameron yesterday afternoon. “Scotland will not be able to afford our product if they vote yes, so we have no other option but to cease trading there”.

Since the devastating news, thousands of angry protesters have taken to the streets in every major Scottish town and city to voice their concerns over the move.

“I cannae vote yes if ders ne bucky,” voiced one man, who was wearing an unrecognisable Scottish football jersey. “You’d wanna be aff yer heid to vote after tha’ news. Ah dinnae how ye Irish bouys would feel about losing Guinness, but this is a huge blow for us ere and the aye vote”.

Meanwhile in Edinburgh, riot Police are currently dealing with hundreds of youths ‘panic looting’ local shops and warehouses for the tonic wine.

“This is the British government’s doing,” said first minister Alex Salmond. “David Cameron struck a deal with Buckfast knowing the implications it would cause. This is an act of war and we are going to respond accordingly”.

Following the first minister’s statement, Scottish band ‘The Proclaimers’ announced they would be cancelling their 2015 UK tour, with absolutely no reaction whatsoever.

More as we get it.

 

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