ROYAL fundamentalists angered over the countries publication of printed images of a topless Kate Middleton which ridiculed her tits stormed the French embassy in London last night, killing nine French officials, witnesses said. British protesters scaled the walls of the French embassy in the Knightsbridge area of the capital and attacked the occupants as they slept. Sources claim… Read more »
Mohamed al Fayed has urged British Prime Minister David Cameron to order an inquiry into the recent death of the Queens Corgi today. The father of minus one, who owns loads of stuff around England, said the untimely death of the animal had all the hallmarks of a Royal family conspiracy plot to kill living things that… Read more »
THE untimely death of 21-year-old Jessica Harris last Tuesday evening was said to be even ‘more tragic now’ after images released by her family reveal what an absolute ‘fine thing’ she really was. Thousands of people across the country have swamped national newspapers and internet forums with condolence letters and comments voicing their absolute disgust at the… Read more »
ANALYSTS at Facebook’s IPO underwriters have admitted today to accidentally pricing actual stock market shares with the social networks own ‘share’ option which is frequently used by its 800 million members. WWN has learned that the research analysts at the company’s lead underwriters – Morgan Stanley, Goldman Sachs, and JP Morgan—had cut their earnings estimates for… Read more »
TRADERS at Ireland’s ISEQ have warned of more economic turbulence today after the markets failed to turn up for work this morning. An Irish Stock Exchange spokesman said the markets were contacted at half past ten this morning and said they were ‘absolutely dying’ and couldn’t make it in. “They were due in at nine. There was… Read more »
THE POPE has laughed-off sciences latest theory on ‘dark matter’, saying that the idea of an invisible force that holds the entire universe together is an ‘absolute fairytale’. The Holy see slammed the hypothesis earlier this week and asked people who believed in the idea to ‘get a reality check’. A spokesman for the Vatican told… Read more »
ZIMBABWEAN dictator Robert Mugabe told family members and friends last night that his only regret was never featuring in an internet viral video campaign like ‘Kony 2012’. The cancer stricken leader flew to Singapore by private jet on Saturday for treatment, but took a turn for the best and is said to be suffering excruciating pain in his final… Read more »
ASTOUNDING new images of the Titanic show the ship is still pretty much sunken under 12,500ft of water and not actually going anywhere, regardless of how many times people look. These new photographs were created using top of the range sonar equipment so expensive it could have fed several thousand starving families for a week if flogged… Read more »
A VERY pregnant ‘virgin’ Mary told WWN today that she is not too sure what excuse she will give her husband Joseph this time around. The holy Mary mother of Christ has been married to the unemployed carpenter for many years and has insisted the relationship has been totally platonic from the start. “It was fine back then when everyone believed… Read more »
THE Queen of England said she was ‘fucking stoked’ about her upcoming diamond jubilee celebrations, which will take place on the week-end of the 2-5 of June this year in London. The 85-year-old monarch told press today of her excitement when she arrived in King’s Lynn as she marks the 60th anniversary of her accession to… Read more »