THE GREAT Lord almighty announced his decision today to bring forward the day of Judgement following his ongoing disgust with the human race and its blatant stupidity. Armageddon, which is due in 2034, is to be brought forward to December 31st this year, a spokesperson for the creator of the universe stated today. “He’s pissed,”… Read more »
THE VATICAN is expected to announce a change in the way it searches the internet today after using the Google browser for the last fifteen years. A spokesperson for the state told WWN that an emergency meeting was called this morning and a decision was made by the powers that be to change over the… Read more »
THE COMMUNIST STATE of North Korea defended its decision to execute 80 people for watching foreign films, as they were found to contain American actor, Ben Afleck. A spokesperson confirmed that all Ben Affleck films have been banned from the country since 2011, and viewing them carries a mandatory death sentence. It is understood that… Read more »
GARDAI are urging parents of small children to check underneath their beds for Roma gypsies, before putting them down for the night. The stark warning comes just after 24 hours since a blonde haired child was taken from a Roma Gypsy family yesterday afternoon by the HSE, “Parents should count their children in the morning,… Read more »
A RECENT survey in the US has found that a staggering 98% of Americans are already very happy with their ceiling depth and find no reason to increase it as recently suggested by their president. Barack Obama had warned the country they risked tipping the world back into a recession and throwing “millions more people out… Read more »
THE ENTIRE continent of Australia is to hold a minutes ‘violence’ for the recently deceased criminal Chopper Read, their government confirmed today. Absolutely every citizen will be asked to carry out mundane acts of brutality at 3pm tomorrow afternoon in memory of the Ozzy hard-man. Local councils will distribute an array of weaponry across the… Read more »
THE UNITED states government decided to take the day off today to battle out their differences through online video game Grand Theft Auto five, it has announced today. Republicans and Democrats, who have been recently being torn apart by political wrangling over a short-term budget to keep the US government funded beyond the fiscal, have vowed… Read more »
The World’s media has expressed its shock and regret at the news of the death of famed media friend and confidant ‘A Source Close To’. Known to the public for his close friendship with some of the World’s most famous and powerful people, A Source Close To is believed to have passed away after… Read more »
AMERICAN PRESIDENT Barack Obama has called for tougher gun control laws in Kenya this evening after 62 people were killed in a shopping mall in the African country. Mr. Obama condemned the Kenyan government for its lackadaisical approach to automatic weapons, and called on the state to ‘clamp down’ on arms distribution. “It shames me… Read more »
AN INNER city Dublin teenager claimed today that Syrian president Bashar al-Assad’s recent mood has been down to him not being able to grow a proper moustache. Damo Phealan, of east wall, made the comments shortly after 3pm on a local bus into town earlier. “The shtate of his ronnie!” said Phealan, to a fellow… Read more »