Media Honours Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt’s Request For Privacy


AS is the custom when a married couple regularly photographed by paparazzi file for divorce, graze their knee or die, the media upholds its high regard for journalistic integrity and agreed to grant Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt some privacy.

The calls for privacy were sparked by the married couple separately, as divorce proceedings were enacted after 2 years of marriage, with the primary reason being a wish that they not be subjected to an avalanche of reporters stalking their every move during what is sure to be a difficult time.

“Judging from the sample of Brad’s shit that I retrieved from the toilet bowl moments after he took a dump, it’s quite clear it was a very sad poo. He’s going to spiral, get out of control, turn to drink or whatever it is we usually say in this situation when we’re making stuff up,” explained one journalist who paid to write any old bullshit.

“What do you take us for, scumbags?” remarked another journalist as he parachuted into the backgarden of the By The Sea star’s home.

The media has defended its decision to reject invasive hounding of the famous couple, and have taken a hard line with all critics.

“We’re just here to make sure no one is taking photos or harassing them,” one of 12,000 photographers outside the home once shared by the actors explained to WWN, “if someone here is going to take a photo of Angie, we’ll be here to take a photo of that to show the public what is going on”.

While almost 99.9% of media outlets have resolved to focus on other news items, UK police were forced to raid the offices of the Daily Mail with similar raids in the US at the offices of TMZ following the discovery of a ‘made up rumours sweatshops’ in operation.

Hundreds of impoverished children had been forced into creating false rumours surrounding the end of the relationship to keep up with reader demands, with the children being paid as little as 12 cents per hour.

Elsewhere in less important news, leading charities and humanitarian groups have been harping on about Yemen being on the verge of Famine.