“It’s Little Skybottle Triff Quinston I Feel Sorry For The Most”, Say Brad And Angelina’s Neighbours

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IN YET more news emerging from the media maelstrom that is the tragic and unexpected separation of Hollywood power couple brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, a neighbour of the estranged couple has spoken about one of the true victims of the split; little 7 year old Skybottle Triff Quinston Jolie-Pitt.

“Ah bless his wee heart,” said Mrs. Etta O’Conlon, the 67-year-old woman who lives four doors up from the Pitts in LA.

“Sure the poor wee lad doesn’t know what’s going on at all. I seen him there when the van came up to load up their stuff when they were moving, your heart would go out to him so it would”.

Adopted by Jolie and Pitt during their decade-long quest to have all the kids, Skybottle Triff Quinston was picked up in Africa as a newborn baby, before being renamed.

Skybottle and his brothers Elbowdrop and Xgghtth, along with his sisters Cello concerto, Xianghuaniesse and Brian are in the process of moving out of the family home, with neighbours confirming that it will be ‘very hard on them, the poor wee divils’.

“You’d often see Skybottle in the yard, playing, He’d always say hello, not like that Brian. She was a wee bitch,” continued Mrs. O’Conlon, smoking on her doorstep while drinking a mug of tea.

“Sure look, it’s not my place to say, But you’d think they’d have been able to sort themselves out for the kids. But it’s not my place to say. But the kids. You’d have thought they’d sort things out. For the kids. But it’s not my place to say. I’m just saying. Sort it out for the kids, if nothing else. But it’s not for me to talk about, so it’s not. But the kids. That’s who I feel sorry for”.

O’Conlon paused to take a drag from her cigarette.

“But it’s not my place to say”.

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