55% Of Scottish People Suffering From Stockholm Syndrome

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FOLLOWING a momentous day of voting in Scotland on the issue of independence, it has been revealed that as many as 55% of the population are suffering from what is commonly referred to as Stockholm Syndrome.

Held captive since the 1700s many Scottish people confessed that the had grown fond or their captors despite many people cautioning them that they had fallen into the trap of Stockholm Syndrome.

Symptoms include believing English people really like Scotland, not being able to properly identify when a politician is lying, and failing to see that English people saying ‘I really like Whiskey and shortbread’ is completely disingenuous.

“Aye, they’re not that bad,” said one voter as he left the polling station yesterday completely oblivious to the Tory over his shoulder pissing on a homeless man while simultaneously dismantling the NHS.

The British media had pinpointed the decision by David Cameron to scale Big Ben with a rifle, while threatening to shoot people, as a key moment in a shift back to a No vote.

Here at home, the people of Ireland had watched the referendum closely as it allowed their deep seated hatred for England to shine through without much criticism.

“I can’t fucking believe they voted to stay part of that fucking union,” said Dubliner Alan Taylor, seemingly unimpressed with the democratic process which saw a staggering 84.5% turnout of eligible voters.

Many Irish people were frustrated Scotland didn’t vote the way they had wanted them too, displaying a poor grasp of the democratic process which probably explains why only 33% of the population turned out for the 2012 Children’s Referendum, and only 51% of people voted at this year’s local elections.

100% of the 30% of 18-25 year olds not registered to vote here in Ireland were critical of Scotland’s decision to vote No.

As the Yes Vote conceded earlier this morning, British prime minister David Cameron took to television to say he “accepts the people of Scotland’s apology, just don’t let it happen again, OK?” While the Queen spent much of the morning laughing maniacally into the mirror.

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