AS IRELAND embraced the lifting of mask requirements today while largely ignoring pleas from immunocompromised people to keep wearing them, foreign policy experts have advised the public to ‘make the most of it’. “We hate to be killjoys, but there has been talk of a gas mask requirement which is really completely out of our… Read more »
A MONUMENTAL idiot with a desiccated turd for a brain has declared that he would have prevented Vladimir Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. The pea-brained room-temperature-IQ-wielding-wart said this with words from his own mouth despite the fact that he was impeached for threatening to withhold vital military aid to Ukraine until its president agreed to launch… Read more »
MISTAKENLY thinking you could breathe a deep sigh of relief as you said a hopeful farewell to two years of living through a pandemic, 2022 is no longer looking like the quiet, inconsequential year you thought it would be. “Oh fuck not another news app notification,” you said, barely able to gather the courage required… Read more »
SANCTIONS that would condemn other countries to a lifetime of economic catastrophe are reportedly being shrugged off by Vladimir Putin, who remains safe in the knowledge that the world’s dependency on fossil fuels will see Russia’s economy thrive for decades to come. “Oh dear, they’re suspending the Nord Stream 2 gas pipeline, I guess we’d… Read more »
AFTER the US announced sanctions on Russia and the UK government imposed sanctions on all non-Tory donating Russians in London it was Ireland’s turn to step into the fray and show that Putin’s invasion of Ukraine will come with grave consequences. At a hastily convened press conference after his meeting with German Chancellor Olaf Scholz… Read more »
PRESIDENT Vladimir Putin has ordered Russian troops to advance into two rebel-held provinces in Ukraine on a ‘peace keeping mission’, while somehow maintaining a straight face. “Oh he’s good, that Putin lad,” said one EU analyst, listening to Putin’s decree that Russia now recognises the Donetsk People’s Republic and the Lugansk People’s Republic as independent… Read more »
THE impending outbreak of open war between Russia and the rest of the world currently ranks second on local man Declan Carruther’s list of shit to worry about, as he has the pressing issue of dental surgery that could cost a grand and ‘hurt like fuck’ in the process. Carruther, who has been treating the… Read more »
OBSERVERS witnessing Vladimir Putin produce ‘the Mona Lisa of bullshit’ pretense for invading Ukraine have pointed out that penis enlargement surgery has come on leaps and bounds in recent decades and is safer and more affordable than the dictator may have previously thought. “Sure you think invading Ukraine because you found an old USSR voucher… Read more »
US President Joe Biden has agreed ‘in principle’ to a summit with Russian leader Vladimir Putin, where it is hoped that the current tension in Ukraine can be discussed over a viewing of the 1985 Cold War boxing classic, Rocky IV. The breakthrough comes after yet another deadline for the commencement of war in Ukraine… Read more »
UNABLE to see the contradictory and illogical knots he has tied himself in, local Republican and staunch advocate for a United Ireland Liam Caherty remains fully behind Russia’s encroachment on sovereign Ukraine territory as he believes in a people’s right to self-determinism. “But Liam, we’d be first in line to kick the Brits out so… Read more »