RUSSIAN leader Vladimir Putin has refused to apologise to Ukraine for messing with their weekend plans, as he battles to fabricate a facile justification for an incursion into Ukrainian territory. “This is just typical, we’ve been here ready since Monday. If he got his act together then, we’d have had the whole working week to… Read more »
VLADIMIR Putin’s continued feet-dragging when it comes to invading Ukraine has started to vex many other world leaders, who have issued a ‘shit or get off the pot’ edict to the Russian leader. An invasion into Ukrainian territory by Russian forces had been expected this week following months of build-up on the border, but recent… Read more »
THE first division of Russian soldiers to pull back from the Ukrainian border have begun to wonder what the snack situation is on their long journey back to Moscow. Many of the troops involved had been under the impression that they would be treated to a nice chipper as thanks for success in Operation ‘Put… Read more »
NEWS agencies around the world have been brought back from the brink of war reporting as the volume of Russian troops surrounding Ukraine allegedly began to recede, WWN understands. The media had been at Defcon 2 since earlier in the year, with many newspapers and online news outlets going so far as to launch preliminary… Read more »
SENIOR Russian military aides issued a collective ‘holy shit’ this morning, after several thousand Ukrainian ground troops suddenly charged over the border into Russia, catching Putin’s army completely by surprise. In what is being described as ‘a classic example of the old switcheroo’, Ukraine ended months of tensions along the border and allayed fears of… Read more »
RUSSIAN topless man on horse clearly in the throes of a midlife crisis Vladimir Putin has expressed surprise at Vladimir Putin this Valentine’s Day, insisting ‘you shouldn’t have’ when opening a gift he got for himself. “You can’t expect loved ones in your life to be mind readers, sometimes you’ve just got to practice what… Read more »
THERE’S further unease and tension growing at the Ukranian border as exclusive US intelligence leaked to WWN suggests Russia is currently assembling a large scale Power Rangers robot. “As we feared it’s exactly like the one when the blue, pink, red, yellow and black fuse to create a Megazord,” White US Secretary of Defence Lloyd… Read more »
“SURE, I’m a confident guy and I have my good days with many smiles, but I can’t be Glad-imir Putin 24/7, sometimes I’m Sad-imir Putin, y’know? But those leaders, they just see Bad-imir Putin,” the words of Russian leader Vladimir Putin as he reveals for the first time the full toll the critical words from… Read more »
WITH NEWS of an agreement between Irish fishermen and the Russian government over controversial naval exercises off the southwest coast of Ireland, WWN speaks to Irish fishermen Kevin Mackay, who, along with his fishing peers, singlehandedly defused an international incident. “Ah, Yury’s not the worsht of them now in fairness, God love him. Shure I… Read more »
‘UKRAINE – could you find it on a map?’, ‘did you ever holiday in Ukraine, do you have fond childhood memories of the place?’ and ‘how many Ukrainians do you know on a personal basis?’ are just some of the questions being asked in a survey aimed at gauging the world’s interest in saving the… Read more »