AFTER the US announced sanctions on Russia and the UK government imposed sanctions on all non-Tory donating Russians in London it was Ireland’s turn to step into the fray and show that Putin’s invasion of Ukraine will come with grave consequences. At a hastily convened press conference after his meeting with German Chancellor Olaf Scholz… Read more »
PRESIDENT Vladimir Putin has ordered Russian troops to advance into two rebel-held provinces in Ukraine on a ‘peace keeping mission’, while somehow maintaining a straight face. “Oh he’s good, that Putin lad,” said one EU analyst, listening to Putin’s decree that Russia now recognises the Donetsk People’s Republic and the Lugansk People’s Republic as independent… Read more »
THE impending outbreak of open war between Russia and the rest of the world currently ranks second on local man Declan Carruther’s list of shit to worry about, as he has the pressing issue of dental surgery that could cost a grand and ‘hurt like fuck’ in the process. Carruther, who has been treating the… Read more »
OBSERVERS witnessing Vladimir Putin produce ‘the Mona Lisa of bullshit’ pretense for invading Ukraine have pointed out that penis enlargement surgery has come on leaps and bounds in recent decades and is safer and more affordable than the dictator may have previously thought. “Sure you think invading Ukraine because you found an old USSR voucher… Read more »
US President Joe Biden has agreed ‘in principle’ to a summit with Russian leader Vladimir Putin, where it is hoped that the current tension in Ukraine can be discussed over a viewing of the 1985 Cold War boxing classic, Rocky IV. The breakthrough comes after yet another deadline for the commencement of war in Ukraine… Read more »
UNABLE to see the contradictory and illogical knots he has tied himself in, local Republican and staunch advocate for a United Ireland Liam Caherty remains fully behind Russia’s encroachment on sovereign Ukraine territory as he believes in a people’s right to self-determinism. “But Liam, we’d be first in line to kick the Brits out so… Read more »
RUSSIAN leader Vladimir Putin has refused to apologise to Ukraine for messing with their weekend plans, as he battles to fabricate a facile justification for an incursion into Ukrainian territory. “This is just typical, we’ve been here ready since Monday. If he got his act together then, we’d have had the whole working week to… Read more »
VLADIMIR Putin’s continued feet-dragging when it comes to invading Ukraine has started to vex many other world leaders, who have issued a ‘shit or get off the pot’ edict to the Russian leader. An invasion into Ukrainian territory by Russian forces had been expected this week following months of build-up on the border, but recent… Read more »
THE first division of Russian soldiers to pull back from the Ukrainian border have begun to wonder what the snack situation is on their long journey back to Moscow. Many of the troops involved had been under the impression that they would be treated to a nice chipper as thanks for success in Operation ‘Put… Read more »
NEWS agencies around the world have been brought back from the brink of war reporting as the volume of Russian troops surrounding Ukraine allegedly began to recede, WWN understands. The media had been at Defcon 2 since earlier in the year, with many newspapers and online news outlets going so far as to launch preliminary… Read more »