Putin & Biden Urged To Sit Down & Watch Rocky IV
US President Joe Biden has agreed ‘in principle’ to a summit with Russian leader Vladimir Putin, where it is hoped that the current tension in Ukraine can be discussed over a viewing of the 1985 Cold War boxing classic, Rocky IV.
The breakthrough comes after yet another deadline for the commencement of war in Ukraine passed without incident, despite President Biden’s insistence that Putin’s forces were ‘almost certainly, for real this time’ about to mount a full scale invasion.
Putin is said to be open to attending the summit, but has stressed that he needs a little more time as he ‘hasn’t seen Rocky 1, 2, or 3 yet’, and doesn’t want the lack of context to colour his decision-making.
“Damn it, what does he need to know other than an American guy punches a Russian guy in the face until Communism is defeated?” barked an angry Biden today, who fondly remembers going to see Rocky IV at the tender age of 43.
“If he could just hear Stallone’s ‘we can all change’ speech at the end, he’d know that the right thing to do would be to get his troops the hell away from Ukraine, let them join NATO, and say nothing when we station troops around Russia for the rest of time. Just watch the damn movie and accept you’re the bad guy, Jesus this isn’t difficult”.
Biden is said to be in ‘full Rocky mode’ ahead of the meeting, with a training montage released by The White House showing him running up a flight of four steps, unaided.