Tag: ukraine

Ukraine War Entering That Drawn-Out, Barely Newsworthy Phase

IT has been explained to Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelenskyy that the plight of his nation ‘couldn’t have been expected’ to still be front-page news after three months of coverage, adding that people ‘don’t really like when these things have no end in sight’. Factors contributing to Ukraine’s demotion down the ranks of newsworthy items include:… Read more »

Biden Accidentally Sends 40 Billion Aides To Ukraine

BEWILDERED and full of questions, an immeasurable number of White House interns and aides have been dumped off Lockheed C-5 Galaxy military transport planes and left on Kyiv airport tarmac in what is perhaps the biggest blunder of Joe Biden’s presidency yet. Biden, having secured support from lawmakers for a $40 billion aid package to… Read more »

Brexit Actually Like Carpet Bombing Own Cities, Johnson Told

IN RESPONSE to Boris Johnson controversially comparing Ukrainians fighting back against the Russia invasion of their country to Britain voting to leave the EU, people with working brains and rudimentary understanding of the world have been quick to help the British PM understand that the comparison doesn’t quite fit. “Brexit would be more like if… Read more »

Local Hero Vows To Never Drink A Black Russian Ever Again

A Waterford man has vowed to never drink a Black Russian cocktail for however long it takes for Russian dictator Vladimir Putin to back out of Ukraine. Making the announcement on Saturday night, hero David Mannihan gathered friends and revelers attending Egan’s Nightclub around him before ordering the once popular concoction. “I refuse to drink… Read more »

Russian Paralympian Stands Up From Wheelchair & Storms Out Of Interview Over Banning

FURIOUS after the entire Russian and Belarusian teams were today banned from the Beijing Winter Paralympics after the International Paralympic Committee reversed its original decision, para ice hockey athlete Yuri Smirnoff began cursing at the assembled press before suddenly standing up from his wheelchair, walking away and flipping reporters the middle finger in disgust, WWN… Read more »