Russia Asked Are They Warring Or What

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VLADIMIR Putin’s continued feet-dragging when it comes to invading Ukraine has started to vex many other world leaders, who have issued a ‘shit or get off the pot’ edict to the Russian leader.

An invasion into Ukrainian territory by Russian forces had been expected this week following months of build-up on the border, but recent footage of a mass troop withdrawal has left leaders like US President Joe Biden in fear that Putin may be about to make them all look like ‘a buncha know-nothing dummies’.

As such, Putin has been given one last opportunity to invade the region in the coming days, before the world moves on and concentrates on a country that will actually deliver on the promise of a war, thank you very much.

“Russia is currently circling Ukraine like a teenager plucking up the courage to ask a girl out,” said one weapons manufacturer who has warehouses full of inventory just waiting to be fired at something.

“If he waits too long, well, that girl is just going to go to the prom with someone else. The world can’t wait around for a rogue leader to decide whether or not he’s going to invade a neighbouring sovereign democracy. We’ve got options, you know. There’s plenty of other heated regions in the world where we can stoke up tensions and manufacture a war. Don’t be too gentlemanly, Putin, or you might not get a kiss at all”.

Meanwhile the US has made several statements about how Russia is ‘too shit-scared to start a war’, with Putin yet to rise to this obvious bait just yet.

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