Power Outages Will Help Public Save On Energy Bills, Ryan Confirms

MINISTER for Communications Eamon Ryan has confirmed that while work is already under way to reconnect the 70,000 homes and counting that have experienced a loss of power during Storm Eunice, there is an obvious plus side.

“I’m a glass half full of non-single use plastic bottled water man myself so those affected can at least look forward to marginally cheaper energy bills,” offered the Green Party leader.

The luckiest residents in counties affected could go without power for days and become the envy of everyone as they will see a small reprieve from rising energy prices which have led to mammoth utility bills in recent months.

“And with all the fallen trees you’ll save on petrol by not leaving the house. This is a huge win in the cost of living stakes. We should have a storm every week,” added Ryan, who began to cry when it was pointed out people may turn to turf burning to keep themselves warm.

The coalition government earlier today made a human sacrifice of one landlord in a bid to ensure no mica affected homes on the west coast collapse in the storm as that’s all they need right now.

Meanwhile local representatives have asked Met Éireann to examine if giving Storm Eunice a ‘suspiciously English sounding’ name led to the storm singling out Ireland for harsh treatment.

Elsewhere, a Status Yellow snow warning in counties has led to a 100% reduction in productivity as people spend the day looking out their window expectantly.