If Everyday Products Were Priced Like Irish Homes


WHILE MANY people feel the precious and untouchable logic of ‘the market’ is more deranged than Jack Nicholson in The Shining, we’re all thankful that aside from housing Ireland is a cheap and affordable place to live.

But what if that wasn’t the case? WWN put some estate agents to work and had them appraise and price every day items:

Banana in shop – south facing, last unit remaining from original bunch of six. Just a stone’s throw from the front entrance – €5,678.

Public bin – sudden surge in demand for this beautifully appointed structure which boasts canal side views as all other bins in area full up. €14,000 deposit per item of rubbish.

A single grain of rice – enough to feed family of four, great starter meal for those just starting out on the meal ladder – €42,560.

Energy Prices – getting there in fairness.

IKEA coffee table – one of just 100,000 in this line of luxurious bespoke one-off unique object-rester, price too obscene to say out loud €*7*,**0,*5*. Went to market last year priced €9,99.

iPhone 13 – sold out. Available to rent (up 10% from last year) from Apple for rest of your life, though.

Parent’s Funeral – too expensive? Just get a loan from the bank of mum & dad… oh.

Single page of A4 paper – a real blank canvas of a property, low maintenance and open plan – owner will be able to really put their own stamp on it. €1700.