Russian Soldiers Wondering If They Can Stop For Chips On Way Home


THE first division of Russian soldiers to pull back from the Ukrainian border have begun to wonder what the snack situation is on their long journey back to Moscow.

Many of the troops involved had been under the impression that they would be treated to a nice chipper as thanks for success in Operation ‘Put The Shit Up The West’, but squad leaders have started to notice that they’ve already driven past at least six branches of McDФnalds without as much as slowing down.

“Maybe they are waiting until we are closer to home before they stop,” said one wide-eyed rookie, as the more experienced soldiers in his platoon started to suspect that there will be no chips today.

“Whatever you do, do not ask Putin more than twice about when we will be getting chips. Because he will get thick as a bull and state that we are getting no chips. Believe me, I was promised chicken nuggets after annexation of Crimea in 2014, and got nothing because I was ‘too impatient’,” stated a grizzled veteran, sternly.

Towards the front of the convoy of troop carriers headed towards Russia, another group of soldiers have failed to heed warnings and have begun to badger senior command as to whether or not they are ‘there yet’, leading to a potential military incident with global consequences.

“So help me, if you keep making noise back there I will turn this army around and invade Ukraine, just watch me do it!” barked a stressed general, who is already ‘up to here’ with nonsense orders from Putin himself without having to deal with this shit.