“Your Ma’s The Town E-Scooter”: Updating Irish Insults For The Modern Age

A TREASURED part of Irish culture is our ability as a people to eviscerate someone with a verbal barbarity so heinous that they will never psychologically or emotionally recover from, not matter how much they spend on being on a waiting for the therapist the HSE never assigns them.

But is our flare for insults due an upgrade? The 21st century has seen such a marked change in the way we live, what hobbies and cultural practices we embrace that perhaps the old turns of phrase don’t quite relate to people the same way.

With this in mind WWN in partnership with linguistic experts at TCD have teamed up to modernise a number of common Irish insults:

Your Ma’s the town e-scooter (formerly – Your Ma’s the town bike).

Still has his communion money in Ape NFTs (formerly – Still has his communion money in the credit union).

If there was work in the bed, he’d sleep on the floor of the mold infested €1,600 box room that’s sucking the joy from his life (formerly – If there was work in the bed, he’d sleep on the floor).

Ye fuckin’ gobshite (unchanged).

He’s not the most efficient solar panel on the roof (formerly – Thick as two planks)

You’re as thick as carbon neutral manure and only half as useful in the fight against climate change (formerly – You’re as thick as cow manure and only half as useful).

Negative interest craic (formerly – minus craic).

Please don’t get offended but I think you may need to rethink that decision you made (formerly – cop on to yourself)

May you melt like the Thwaites Glacier and drown in rising sea levels (formerly – May you melt off the earth like snow off the ditch).

You’re some moany cunt all the same (unchanged).