Typical Of Putin To Start Era Defining Conflict On A Friday


RUSSIAN leader Vladimir Putin has refused to apologise to Ukraine for messing with their weekend plans, as he battles to fabricate a facile justification for an incursion into Ukrainian territory.

“This is just typical, we’ve been here ready since Monday. If he got his act together then, we’d have had the whole working week to conflict,” remarked one irate Russian general.

“Donbass? More like dumbass, everyone knows war is for weekdays, fun is for weekends,” added a Ukrainian general, who is never going to hear the end of canceling on friends in similar circumstances to when Russia annexed Crimea in 2014.

“I get it, you want to drag us into a neverending quagmire of bloodshed and pain, but escalation, disinformation, false flags – can’t these things wait until a Monday? C’mon!”

The vast majority of military, security and diplomatic personnel around the world were minutes away from clocking off for the weekend when Donetsk separatist leader Denis Pushilin claimed Ukraine forces were attacking chemical facilities.

“I honestly can’t think of a more inconvenient time to falsify a pretext for starting an ear-defining conflict with the sole aim of destabilising democracy, this is just typical Putin, typical!” seethed one US Dept of Defence official who will have to cancel Saturday morning racquetball now.

Meanwhile, Ukrainian citizens have stated that it was ‘fun’ while it lasted but it is ‘over’ being at the epicentre of a dick measuring contest between Putin and NATO.

Elsewhere, local 32-county Republic fan Liam O’Connor has confirmed he is siding with Putin in all of this somehow, stating “ah in fairness I reckon randomly sending 150,000 to the border and then a perfect excuse for trying to invade cropping up is a genuine coincidence, Vlad’s some man for one man”.