Hungover Man Wondering If Anyone Else Can Smell Him Right Now

AN INCREDIBLY hungover man who smells like he showered in fermented bin juice is sheepishly trudging through town, casting meek glances at people, hopeful they are unable to catch a whiff of his pungent nostril-imploding aroma.

“If I just stay down wind, no one is going to get a whiff,” reasoned light headed and paranoid walking brewery Tom Heffin, as he conducted a quick breath, arm and under jumper sniff.

“Aw Christ, how come I’m only ingesting my own stinking aura when there’s so much non me air out here,” a defeated looking Heffin said, as he took even the briefest of glances from people as confirmation they can absolutely smell every fibre of his hideous being.

Heffin, genuinely surprised by how badly he smells given he only had a few Guinness before switching to whiskeys, gins, rums and shots and back to Guinness, collected himself as he braced for having to jump on public transport.

“I’ll sit up top at the back if it’s free, and then if I get any dirty looks I can just open the emergency window thingy and jump out,” said Heffin, with the sort of sound thinking associated with a 31-year-old who goes on the tear on a Thursday night.

“Aw brilliant,” said Heffin, in the clear when it came to bad smells as the bus he boarded had an old bearded bag lady on it.