“No Guinness, Banned From Coppers”: Full Irish Sanctions On Putin Revealed


AFTER the US announced sanctions on Russia and the UK government imposed sanctions on all non-Tory donating Russians in London it was Ireland’s turn to step into the fray and show that Putin’s invasion of Ukraine will come with grave consequences.

At a hastily convened press conference after his meeting with German Chancellor Olaf Scholz yesterday, Taoiseach Micheál Martin confirmed a raft of damaging sanctions Ireland would take against Vladimir Putin and his regime, some so severe they may well turn the tide of the emerging conflict and deliver a defeat for Putin.

The sanctions include:

Russian ambassador to Ireland Yuri Filatov will have his Coppers gold card revoked. Putin won’t even get as far as the back of the queue.

Putin’s voice will be banned from Irish television and replaced with Bosco.

Removing the geo-blocking on the RTÉ player so that Russians can easily have access to episodes of Fair City.

Martin hasn’t ruled out further escalation which would include a Russian language version of Mrs Brown’s Boys.

Ireland will refuse to accept any workers from Russia, no matter how low paid, no matter how many of them are willing to live in a three-bedroom house paying whatever rent they’re asked.

No Russian tourist will be served Guinness. Unless it is served by a 17-year-old lad who just started today and desecrates the pouring.

Irish citizens are sadly banned from doing Boney M’s ‘Rasputin’ at karaoke until further notice.

Taytos will remove cheese and onion flavouring from their exports to Russia.

All major Russian sporting events will be robbed of the chance to have one random lad in a Kerry jersey in attendance.

Putin may be forced to pose for second photo with Conor McGregor.

Authorities will come down hard on Putin if he ever tries to get away with paying student fare on Dublin Bus.

A credible threat to send in Twink to Ukraine if Putin doesn’t retreat.

All Barrys and Lyons tea bags removed from the Russian embassy.