Single-Use Mask Set To Last Local Man Entire Pandemic

WITH the end of the Covid-19 pandemic in sight, Waterford man Eamon O’Mallen is confident that the same blue-and-white medical face-mask he’s been using since June of 2020 will ‘go the distance’, WWN can sadly report.

“It was my daughter who got me a mask back when all this started, saying ‘Dad would you for the love of God listen to reason and please wear this thing’,” said O’Mallen, holding up the now-threadbare mask to the light so we could see the sun shine through it.

“I said okay, but hated it at first. Too stiff. But now, two years later, it’s loosened up very nicely. It’s so light you’d barely know it was on your face at all, other than the dampness. The elastic is going a bit in the ear loops, but that’s ok because I wear it low-slung under my nose anyways”.

O’Mallen is only one of thousands of Irish people who have adopted a single-mask policy during the pandemic, leading experts to fear that an even worse illness awaits those who continue such a practice.

“We appreciate it says ‘dispose after use’ on the masks, but that really means after each day, not after the entire pandemic,” pleaded one of Waterford’s foremost immunologists.

“A good rule of thumb is if you take the mask out of your pocket and it’s clear that it’s been through the washing machine, don’t wear it. If your original blue-and-white mask is now just white/grey, don’t wear it. If there are visible traces of food where you wiped your mouth with it after eating a sausage roll, don’t wear it. In fact, just stop wearing these gross masks you dirtbags, before you all get malaria or something”.