World Edging Towards WW3 AND Declan Needs Root Canal


THE impending outbreak of open war between Russia and the rest of the world currently ranks second on local man Declan Carruther’s list of shit to worry about, as he has the pressing issue of dental surgery that could cost a grand and ‘hurt like fuck’ in the process.

Carruther, who has been treating the throbbing pain in the lower left side of his face by just not chewing on that side for over 6 months, has taken Russian president Vladimir Putin’s illegal incursion into Ukraine as just another sign that the world is against him, and that’s before he forks out hundreds of euro in exchange for almost the most severe pain a human body can experience.

Furthermore, the 35-year-old is struggling to find an Irish dentist who will accept medical card payments, as the Irish Dental Association warns of a ‘near total collapse’ of the scheme, as analysts scramble to find a middle ground that suits taxpayers, dentists, and people without the price of a root canal alike.

“Fucking bang on time, of course,” lisped Declan, while Sky News footage of Russian tanks thundering towards the Ukraine did nothing to ease the sense that being alive is just one never-ending kick in the balls.

“Two years of coronavirus and a world war, and me with a rotted molar in the middle of it all, and no way to pay for it. So that’s just great. Gonna have to pay top whack to get it fixed, spend the summer paying off the credit card just in time for the bombs to start raining down on the strategic port of Waterford. A guy can’t catch a fucking break”.

Carruther has been advised that he may get his dental work done much cheaper in Turkey, while it’s still there.