“This Is Cancel Culture Gone Mad”

VLADIMIR PUTIN has labeled efforts to personally sanction him, his close allies and oligarchs as ‘cancel culture gone mad’ in a statement that is sure to be endorsed by middle aged men everywhere.

“Can’t illegally invade anywhere and commit war crimes without people on Twitter and the international community trying to ruin your life, snakes the lot of them” said Putin in a TV address on Russian state media.

“Woke is broke,” added Putin clearly frustrated that even the tiniest thing you do or say can be taken completely out of context and used against you these days.

As Putin continues his invasion of Ukraine on the grounds of ‘de-nazification’ of Ukraine, it has been pointed out that bombing schools, shopping centres and residential buildings sounds a bit more ‘war-crimey’, something the Russian leader has rallied against.

“Can you believe they removed the episode of the Joe Rogan podcast I’m on from Spotify? Oh you can laugh but where does it end? And then it’s like ‘BOOM! SWIFT payments ban’. This is very 1984, George Foreman would be sizzling in his grill if he could hear this,” continued the latest victim of the relentless cancel culture mafia.

“You use thermobaric weapons in Chechnya, Syria and now Ukraine, and it’s like people online can just ruin your reputation, honestly, you should see the mean things they say, if anything, they’re the bad guys,” a shook Putin offered.

“He’s got a point there, we’ve lost context, without the proper context anyone can be made to look bad,” offered the worst person you know.

Meanwhile, Russian military generals, noting how much stress Putin has been under, are considering suggesting Putin have some nice relaxing tea to help him unwind and it’ll be like it never happened.