FIFA Distance Themselves From Man Who Bribed Them To Host 2018 World Cup


IN AN HEROIC and selfless decision, arrived at completely independently with no outside pressure, FIFA, the great bastion of moral footballing fortitude have banned Russian teams from competing in the tournament FIFA was bribed into awarding to Russia in 2018.

“But we got rid of those corrupt people, that was before my time” said FIFA head Gianni Infantino, current Qatar resident and recipient of the Order of Friendship medal from Vladimir Putin.

“No, sorry, don’t recognise the guy, did he play for FC Basel?” added Infantino as he stared a photo album marked ‘Best Friends Forever’ filled with pictures of himself alongside Vladimir Putin.

Infantino went into further detail about how he transformed FIFA’s reputation from a money grabbing cabal of corrupt officials open to bribery into an organisation that is for hire by murderous regimes looking to use sports-washing to clean up their reputations.

“Just don’t pressure us about Qatar, for the love of God, just take this gesture we were shamed into and leave it at that,” concluded Infantino.

Elsewhere, one Chelsea fan stated ‘say that again and I’ll stab you’ as he rubbished the concept of ‘sport-washing’ which sees controversial figures and regimes purchase sports teams or host high profile events in a bid to ‘wash’ their terrible reputation and arm themselves with a rabid fan base of apologists and defenders.

Meanwhile, it has been confirmed that FIFA could ban another 100 nations from competing in its competitions and Ireland would still fail to qualify for a World Cup.