OLE GUNNAR Solskjaer is seriously fearing for his job now that the United board has confirmed that he ‘can do whatever he wants today’ including having his favourite ice cream, watching his favourite movie and any other things he loves doing. “You wanna go go-karting too Ole? Honestly mate, whatever you want let’s do it,”… Read more »
DESPITE ongoing rumours, Steve Bruce has been given assurances by Newcastle’s new owners that he will be given six games to save his head, as they confirmed this isn’t just something they say to people they’re going to execute to make sure they don’t run away. “Mohammed bin Salmon, who is not affiliated with the… Read more »
ON FOOT of the revelation that Irish international Callum Robinson has once again failed to get a shot on target despite testing positive for Covid-19 on two separate occasions, the FAI investigative unit is to look into the possibility the Irish team that took to the field and lost 1-0 to Luxembourg in March were… Read more »
THE SHOCKING news that Man City player Benjamin Mendy has been charged with four counts of rape has led the Premier League champions to suspend the player but it is not thought it will affect their emerging pursuit of Cristiano Ronaldo. “It must function in the same way teams have to have a certain number… Read more »
THE FRIGHTENED bleating of a young goat was silenced by a sharp blade as the sun rose on Clew Bay this morning, part of the Mayo faithful’s latest effort to end the long running curse which has sabotaged attempt after attempt to secure the Sam Maguire. “There’s no curse ending ritual we won’t explore,” shared… Read more »
SEEKING to maximise the output from their newly installed signing Lionel Messi, the Qatari government’s ‘Qatar Investment Authority’, which owns PSG is set to also employ the €35 million a year striker on another, more physically demanding project. Known primarily for his silky skills and an ability to make PSG millions in shirt sales, Messi… Read more »
IRISH football legend Roy Keane is to unleash a half-century of pent-up happiness in one burst today, with a 50th birthday party which will include cake, horseys, a clown, lots of fun party games, and absolutely no violent outbursts or spine shattering death stares whatsoever. Longnbelieved to be one of the most dour individuals to… Read more »
TURNING what was a sad occasion for Barcelona and the footballing world into something positive, the torrents of tears shed by Lionel Messi at his farewell press conference are being attached via a winch to dozens of helicopters fighting wildfires in Greece, Italy, Russia and beyond. “It just suddenly came to me in a moment… Read more »
IN THE LATEST petulant act part of an attempt to force a move to Man City Harry Kane has unveiled a new hairdo and is believed to be using a dialect coach to perfect his Mancunian accent, WWN can reveal. Failing to report for training appears to be just the tip of the iceberg for… Read more »
EMBROILED in a late night drinking session turned photoshoot with women rumoured to be ensnaring him in an extortion plot, and now fresh from injuring one of the key players he’s manages at Derby, Wayne Rooney is having an awful week and it’s only Tuesday. WWN tempt fate on the United legend’s behalf by musing… Read more »