AN unbroken flow of green traffic lights between Manchester and Liverpool on the way home from last night’s 3-2 FA Cup fourth round defeat is said to be all that prevented Anfield chief Jürgen Klopp from dumping his car and going on an absolute rampage around the city, sources have confirmed. Klopp, known for being… Read more »
SPEAKING at a ferocious rate of knots and looking like they haven’t slept in days, one local Liverpool fan is putting the final touches to his 12,000 page dossier which suggests were it not for a plot against his club they would be 40 points clear at the top of the table. “The ref blew… Read more »
“ONE would think, amid all the by-clauses and backdoors and amendments and constitutional rewrites and donkey-and-cart era bylaws and exemptions sewn into the British legal system, that a Prime Minister would have found it easier than this to hobble or otherwise kill a mere sportsman” sighed PM Boris Johnson today, pinning a picture of Marcus… Read more »
UGLY scenes at a Champions League match between Paris Saint-Germain and Istanbul Basaksehir last night and Millwall before that are set to become commonplace in football, and in life, if people don’t make at least some concessions to casual racist remarks, explains Waterford man Eric Devlin in this exclusive interview compiled from his outspoken views… Read more »
THE untimely passing of footballing genius Diego Armando Maradona has led to one respectful media outlet to take the high road and decline to mention his notorious substance abuse issues and wild partying. “Unlike most media vultures, our piece declined to mention how his nose had seen more lines than an Adidas factory,” explained Richard… Read more »
ON WHAT feels like decades since the Irish men’s soccer team last scored a goal or won a game, WWN tracked down the last known eye witness to the rare sight of an Irish player guiding a ball into the opposition’s net. Now 106 years old, Noel Davins spoke with WWN about what it is… Read more »
NEUROSURGEONS tasked with what was first believed to be a dangerous blood cloth lodged in the brain of Argenintian footballer Diego Maradona, have confirmed the mass was in fact ‘an otherworldly hand’, WWN can report. “Upon opening his skull we found a glowing, celestial-being-like hand making the shape of a fist protruding from his brain,”… Read more »
AHEAD of Cork City supporters’ trust voting on a one euro takeover of the club a group of kind rival League of Ireland fans have attempted to warn a potential new owner of how overinflated the asking price is. “We’re not bitter, or jealous at all, all investment in Irish football is welcome but this… Read more »
APPARENTLY not reacting well to the news that Jonathan Hill has been named the new, permanent CEO of the FAI, a man, who is clearly John Delaney wearing a balaclava and delivering an official statement in a poorly decorated spare room, has announced the formation of the ‘Provisional FAI’. “We in the Provisional FAI cannot… Read more »
THE acronym commonly associated with the Irish soccer team is to be re-worked a little in light of another soul-sapping defeat, going from an exuberant expression of joy to a plea for something… just something, anything.’ “So we’re migrating from ‘Come on you boys in green’ to something more along the lines of ‘Come on,… Read more »